Extermination of the Dumbleduck
by Keepers of the Horny Gay Men
Summary: School had become boring. The classes, the studying, the constant neardeath experiences... Harry knew who was to blame for all this. And for once, it wasn’t Voldemort. It was Dumbledore.


_**Extermination of the Dumbleduck**_

_By Aniala and Silverwolf7007_

**Day One – Recruitment**

Once upon a time, in a galaxy far, far away –

Oh wait, that's not right.

Never mind.

Ahem. Anyway, once upon a time in this very same galaxy – in fact, even on this same planet…

Harry awoke. Harry should have been cheered by the thought, seeing who he was, but as it was morning he was not.

Yes, that's right, the Boy-Who-Lived had survived yet another night at Hogwarts. Whoop-de-do.

School had become boring. The classes, the studying, the constant near-death experiences…

Harry knew who was to blame for all this. And for once, it wasn't Voldemort.

It was Dumbledore.

It was time, he realised, staring up at the canopy above his bed, that he did something about it.

But first, he needed minions.

Now Harry had many friends in Gryffindor so it made sense to look there first, but most of them, if not all, were loyal to that conniving old bastard. Then he realised that in some way Dumbledore and his schemes had affected all his Gryffindor friends.

_Take Neville for instance_, Harry thought to himself. It was because of the Order of 'Do You Want Fries With That?' that Neville's parents were in St Mungo's. And everyone knew that Dumbledore was the leader of the Order.

Hermione too had been affected. Due to the fact that Dumbles kept the teachers so busy with Order business, they no longer had time to stand around and listen to Hermione know everything under the sun. This had made Hermione absolutely miserable, and so she spent much of her time looking to pass her knowledge on to someone. Anyone. In other words, the Gryffindors.

No doubt all this would encourage his friends to become his minions. Of course, that was only as long as he didn't actually _call_ them his minions to their faces. He doubted they would really appreciate that…

Glancing at his watch, Harry realised now was the perfect time to start recruiting – eight o'clock on a Saturday morning.

Unfortunately, his plans had to be put on hold. None of his dorm mates were even considering being awake for at least another hour. Neville and Ron were snoring at an absurd level of sound, while Seamus was muttering something along the lines of "not the mint chocolate, Jim's got the hose". Harry was somewhat worried about this. Dean, unlike the others, was sleeping quietly.

Harry decided to head down to the Common Room to see if Hermione, Lavender, Parvati or Ginny were awake and available to be recruited.

Harry made his way downstairs and was only hampered by the fact that he tripped over. Harry's resolve was made even stronger by this, as what he tripped over was a sticky sherbet lemon and Harry knew quite well that the only one with a supply of sherbet lemons in the school was the headmaster himself.

Dumbledore's monopolisation of sherbet lemons was yet another grievance Harry had with the old man. Having been addicted to the sweets since a young age, Harry had been horrified when not only had he been unable to buy them on the Hogwarts Express, but the moment he and his belongings entered the castle all the sherbet lemons he had brought with him immediately vanished. He suspected they were transported straight into the Headmaster's personal stash.

When he arrived in the Common Room, he found that not only were Hermione, Lavender and Parvati sitting down there apparently studying, but Ginny was sitting nearby. She seemed to be berating the Creevey brothers about something, which was a rather futile effort as Colin was ignoring her and Dennis was falling asleep – it was obviously too early for him.

"Morning all," Harry said chirpily, drawing odd looks from all but the unconscious Dennis.

"Morning," replied the bemused Hermione. "Um, are you okay?"

"Sure, why wouldn't I be?"

"Well, you are being uncharacteristically bright this morning," she pointed out.

"Also, we thought we heard something falling over up there a moment ago," Lavender added.

Harry glowered up the staircase, and as he sat down he noticed that the sherbet lemon he had tripped on was still attached to his shoe. He held it out for the inspection of the girls and Colin. "Dumbledore is going down," he told them ominously.

Ginny blinked. "When, and can I watch?"

Smirking, Harry nodded. "In fact, I can do you one better. How would you all like to help me in my crusade to bring down the Twinkling Tyrant of Hogwarts?"

Dennis woke up and even Colin payed attention to this. All of a sudden there was an evil laugh.

"Mwahahahahahaha!" Ginny exclaimed. Harry thought this was wonderful, but what happened next made his morning…which wasn't hard, but it was still a good thing. Hermione, Lavender, Parvati and the Creevy brothers all joined in. Harry was collecting minions.

Gradually the maniacal, evil laughter subsided and gave way to more serious conversation. Hermione of course led this. "Now Harry, not that I don't appreciate this turn of events, but may I ask what led to this train of thought?"

"Of course Hermione," Harry replied, cheered with the response from his fellow housemates. "You see, I was lying in bed thinking about how I had made it through another night, which considering everything is no small task anymore. Anyway, on this dreadfully early Saturday morning I was thinking about this, and how it's not quite right. And then it struck me."

Harry stopped there and seemed to be lost in his own musings. Being Molly's daughter, and therefore not very patient; Ginny was not about to let this continue. "What was it that struck you, Harry?"

"Well, dear Gin, it seems to me that the problem isn't entirely Voldemort," Harry ignored the shudders. "But Dumbledore. We all race around to do his bidding and are rarely given any reason. Often people get hurt or injured. Lives are lost. Really, at this point does it sound a lot different to being a Death Eater?"

The group thought and shook their heads. Things were not good for the Side of Fries. "Well, my dear friends, I think we should do something about it. And the best place to start is to overthrow that sugar addicted barmy old codger!" The group around him cheered.

"So what are we going to do Harry?" Lavender asked in a very scheming voice.

Harry blinked. "Oh yeah, we actually need a plan now, don't we?"

There was a loud thud as four heads hit the nearest table. Colin and Dennis eyed the girls in amusement while Harry just looked sheepish.

"Surely you've got _some_ kind of plan?" Parvati prompted in a slightly desperate tone.

He shrugged. "Well, I figured we'd wait till the guys wake up, tell them what's going on, have breakfast, and then go see what we can do about recruiting for the cause in other Houses. Then tomorrow we can plot, and on Monday…well. I guess we'll see, huh?"

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Harry, that _is _a plan! Honestly, I worry about you sometimes…"

"Well, it is a _vague_ plan," Ginny defended. "Its understandable how someone of Harry's brain capacity made the mistake."

Harry glowered at them both.

While they waited, Dennis fell back asleep, while Colin and Ginny began a vicious game of chess. Hermione, Lavender and Parvati went back to their studying, which left Harry to entertain himself.

Harry decided to Plot.

Thoughts twirled through Harry's mind like little ballerinas. Of course when Harry realised this he began having more evil thoughts such as dressing dear old Professor Dumbledore in a tutu. Bright pink, Harry thought. Of course he'd simply _have_ to have matching shoes, though maybe not ballerina slippers. Harry remembered Hermione coming back after the holidays insisting that stilettos were impossible to wear. Harry was now having evil thoughts involving a bright pink tutu and four inch stilettos.

Harry smiled as he warmed to the thought. So many things could be done. Of course not all were possible, but for Harry that was beside the point. Time flew by and before they knew it the small group in the Common Room was joined by four sleepy headed Gryffindors.

"Harry, it's Saturday morning and you weren't in bed!" Ron cried stupidly.

"Yes Ron, I've noticed that myself," Harry replied still dreaming of dyeing Dumbles' beard maroon. Seamus sat down next to Harry heavily, as if exhausted from the walk down the stairs.

"Don't be harsh mate, it's just that it's so unusual that we thought something dreadful like an attack must have happened."

Harry snapped out of his daze to snort and roll his eyes. "I don't blame you, I guess. These days that _is_ a perfectly reasonable assumption. But no, I think you'll all be far more interested to know what we're going to be doing."

"I'm not so sure," said a wary Neville. "I mean, call me crazy, but you aren't exactly known for your rational ideas, Har."

"Oh, shut up, Neville," Ginny demanded, smirking. "Harry has just thought up the idea of the century."

All four boys stared at their roommate in surprise.

Harry glared at them. "What? I can't have ideas now?"

"No," Dean said bluntly. "At least, not good ones. Unless…well, what is it, anyway?"

"We're going to overthrow Dumbles," Hermione explained.

There was dead silence.

Ron broke it after a few minutes of utter shock on everyone else's behalf. "Huh?"

Dean and Neville both reached out and smacked him around the back of the head, while everyone else but Harry rolled their eyes in exasperation.

Harry, however, was in such a good mood due to the current success of his planning that he decided to humour his friend's idiocy. "We're going to get Dumbledore kicked out of Hogwarts…and make his life a misery while we're getting around to that part."

Seamus began to smirk. "Well, that sounds fun…"

"So how do we go about it?" asked Dean excitedly.

Harry grinned. "You're all in then?" he asked, wanting to be sure. It wouldn't do any good to come up with a master plan and then have some run off and tell Dumbledore.

"Of course we are!" Neville cried enthusiastically. The rest of the group around him nodded.

"Great, now I've been thinking about it this morning and we need fellow conspirators to help. I've got an idea where we can find some. Once we have more people to help us we need to come up with ideas of how to get rid of that maniac."

"Harry, who are you thinking of getting to help?" Ron asked.

Harry sighed and turned to Ron.

"Well who has always thought that Dumbledore was insane…?" Seamus interrupted here.

"And rightly so." Harry grinned at his friend.

"True, now Ron, can you think of anyone that's been trying to rid Hogwarts of Dumbledore since our first year?" Ron looked at Harry blankly.

"Oh honestly Ron," Neville said, sounding like Hermione. "He's talking about Draco Malfoy."

Ron gasped and looked at Harry, who nodded his head with a smile on his face. Ron sat there for a minute with his mouth hanging open until Ginny leaned over and slammed it shut for him.

"But Harry, _Malfoy_?" Ron cried once he had regained what little sense he possessed.

"Of course Malfoy," Hermione said in a businesslike tone. "He _has_ been trying to get rid of him for years. It's a pity that we never realised before what a help he could be."

"Any other ideas on who can help plot Dumbles' downfall?" Dean asked hopefully.

"Ah, but of course, my friends, but of course." Harry said, sitting back in his chair.

After they had watched him expectantly for almost two minutes, Ginny rolled her eyes. "And?" she demanded.

"I'm afraid I can't tell you, yet," he replied in an apologetic tone. "But have no fear, when we recruit them, they'll be more than willing."

Hermione, Neville, Seamus, Ginny and Dean all gave him speculative looks, but no one questioned him further. It would have been a pointless exercise, after all. When Harry decided to keep something to himself, only a large combination of alcohol, caffeine and sugar could get it out of him.

"So, how are we going to go about recruiting Malfoy?" Neville asked.

"Good question," Harry murmured, going into 'Full Plotting Mode', as Dean had named it. "He's not likely to talk to any of us, let alone all of us…hm…maybe…"

As he fell silent, his fellow conscious Gryffindors exchanged looks.

Colin conjured a pile of straws, one shorter than all the rest. He arranged them in his hand to appear the same length and held them out.

Once all straws had been chosen, Seamus gave the rest a dirty look, threw his short straw onto the ground and carefully shook Harry's shoulder. "Harry? Care to tell _us_ your plan?"

Harry jumped in surprise. "Oh! Of course! I figured that I could try talking to Malfoy on my own."

"Are you crazy?" Ron yelped. "He'll get his Slytherin cronies and cause your horrible messy death!"

"For once, I agree with Ron," Parvati said. "It's not your safest plan, Harry."

Harry rolled his eyes. "Look, what else can we do? He won't talk to any of you. He'll at least give me a chance…hopefully."

Harry fazed out, obviously thinking. Suddenly his head snapped up from where it had been resting on his chest.

"Of course! I have a detention with Snape tonight, apparently my last potions assignment wasn't up to scratch. Malfoy has one at the same time, it was supposed to be for Transfiguration with Professor McGonagall but Snape wrangled it so it was with him. Which means, we have detention together. I'll corner him then."

"But Harry," Ron whined. "What could you possibly say to Malfoy that would make him work with us?"

Harry shook his head and looked at Ron with sympathy. It couldn't be easy being that thick.

Hermione ventured into the explanation at that point. "Ron, Malfoy hates Dumbles. The minute Harry mentions that we're plotting to take him down, he'll be on board and he'll bring the rest of the Slytherins with him."

Thankfully, that slightly more detailed explanation seemed to satisfy Ron's somewhat inferior intellect enough for Harry to suggest their next course of action.

"Right then, you lot!" he began, standing quickly and offering a hand to the nearest person (Seamus). "Onwards to breakfast!"

After pulling Seamus to his feet, the two of them led their housemates down to the Great Hall.

Once they arrived, they found that while the Slytherin table was empty (most of them were still in bed), as were the Hufflepuff's (they were early risers), the Ravenclaws were mostly at their table. The other Gryffindors, of course, were still asleep, and the table was empty.

The staff table, however, was full, and Harry unconsciously began to growl as he sat down, watching as Dumbledore popped a sherbet lemon into his mouth.

Ginny elbowed him viciously as she sat beside him. "Shut _up_. You don't want to give the game away this early, do you?"

Harry shook his head sheepishly and began to spread his toast.

Breakfast proceeded without too much fuss. All discussion was dropped, in case they were heard by one of Dumbledore's cronies. The only real problem occurred when Ron tried having scrambled eggs and thinking about overthrowing Dumbledore at the same time. Instead of bringing his forkful of eggs to his mouth he jabbed himself in the cheek. This of course started everyone laughing. This was not helped when Ron, attempting to put his fork down, inadvertently jabbed his left hand with his fork. Poor Neville choked on his pumpkin juice.

It was decided that Harry would track down Luna and Parvati would talk to her sister, Padma. A little while after Ron's fork incident Parvati and Lavender went in search of Padma. Harry, Hermione, Ron, Gin, Seamus, Dean and Neville went to find Luna. Of course Harry was relieved that he'd thought ahead of time and put the Marauders map in his pocket. Luna was in one of the last places they expected her to be. She was in the library.

Quietly the group sat down and began to fill Luna in with their latest plot.

"So what do you think, Luna?" Harry asked while the others waited to see what she'd say this time.

"Well Harry it's a very good idea. And I will help. I'm sure the Ravenclaws will as well. Not many of them are happy with Dumbledore after his last suggestion." Luna said, scowling a little.

"You mean the one where he actually suggested that we turn the library into a training arena?" Hermione asked hotly. Recognising what could become an hour-long rant Harry patted Hermione's hand.

"There, there. It's all right. Madame Pince stopped that remember? She took after him with a broom." Hermione started to breathe again. Though Harry was a tad worried when an evil little smile found its way onto the girls face.

"Now Luna, do you think many Ravenclaws would be willing to join us?" Harry asked, wanting to get some idea of the number of minions there would be.

"Oh yes, and I know just how to get them to join…" Luna replied with an evil grin on her face.

"Oh?" Harry said eagerly. "How?"

"Why, offer to expand the library once he's gone, of course…and publicise the chess and charms clubs. And perhaps the – "

"Okay, okay, I get it," Harry told her before she really got going. "I think we can manage that. And if not, the Ravenclaws can revolt against whoever comes to power after Dumbles."

"Er, Harry?" Luna began. "Wouldn't that be you?"

Harry fell off his chair with a thud.

After listening to everyone else snicker for a while, Harry decided it was time for him to get off the floor and set them all straight. "Look, maybe you guys think I'd make a good Headmaster, but…well, if any of you _do_ think that, then I'm going to have you committed. That's crazy!"

Seamus sighed. "Well, someone's got to be in charge of this place once we kick out Dumbles, and at least at first that should be the leader of the rebellion…which _is_ you, Harry."

Harry sighed. "Oh, crap."

* * *

Harry quickly got out of the library, not wanting to even think of responsibility. _I mean part of the reason for overthrowing Dumbledead is cos I was sick of everyone expecting me to do stuff,_ Harry thought angrily.

Harry sighed and kept walking. Luna was going to pass the good word to everyone in Ravenclaw and the rest of the group was heading towards Hannah and Justin, in an attempt to have Hufflepuff side with them. No one was really surprised when, looking on the Marauder's Map, the two Hufflepuffs were in one of the Herbology glasshouses.

The two Hufflepuffs were in deep conversation about something when the Gryffindors walked into the glasshouse.

"Hey guys," Hannah called. "What's up?"

Harry checked that everyone who was supposed to be in the glasshouse was, and winced when Ron shut the door on his foot while not looking

"Not much. I was just saying how frustrated I was with Dumbledore. He keeps talking about me as if he owns me."

"And I'm still not sure he's not going to turn the library into some sort of duelling hall," Hermione said crossly.

"Tell me about," Justin said. "You know that he won't stop dinner, even for a minute, to tell people about the Herbology club?" the boy ground out.

Ron, having gotten over his little episode with the door limped close to the two. "I thought that Ravenclaw was the house that did smart club stuff," he mused.

Harry groaned and was about to berate him. With the nearest pot, preferably.

"That's what we _hate_ about that Dumbledork!" Justin screamed. "He lets everyone think that Hufflepuff are stupid cowards. It's not true!"

Mean while Hannah wasn't doing anything so nice. She had just hexed Ron with a Bat-Bogey Hex that would've made Ginny proud.

After several more minutes of conversation, they knew they had secured the support of the Hufflepuffs. Neville, Dean and Hermione opted to stay in the glasshouse and discuss more about the Herbology Club and the meeting tomorrow with Hannah and Justin, while Harry, Ron, Seamus and Ginny headed back to the Gryffindor Common Room.

However, they hadn't been there more than half an hour when they realised that the entire morning had passed them by and it was time for lunch. They quickly packed away the homework they had been planning to think about working on and headed down to the Great Hall.

There they saw that Parvati and Lavender were sitting with Padma, Luna, Lisa Turpin and Terry Boot at the Ravenclaw Table, while Hermione, Dean and Neville were sitting with Hannah and Justin.

Shrugging but smiling internally, Harry led the other three to their table where they sat with Katie Bell.

Now Katie wasn't a stupid girl, and she immediately realised that Harry was up to something. She leaned over to him and whispered into his ear. "Harry, whatever you're plotting, I want in."

Harry smirked at her, stood up, took her hand and pulled her away from the table. "In that case, Katie dear, come with me."

Ginny and Seamus watched in amusement as Harry led the older girl out of the Great Hall, while Ron was too busy stuffing his face to notice.

By the time they had seated themselves in front of the fire in the Gryffindor Common Room, Katie was curious enough to start slapping people. Luckily for Harry, she was trying to be patient.

Harry was leaning back in his armchair, hands folded in his lap, the very picture of innocence. Katie didn't believe it for a second. "All right, Harry, spill."

He smirked. "We're going to take down Dumbles."

Katie blinked. "Oh. Cool. Can I help?"

"Of course."

* * *

Draco watched as Harry led Katie Bell back into the hall. Katie had a huge grin on her face but was trying to suppress it. Harry looked very calm. This worried Draco as Harry was not calm these days. This could not bode well.

So despite the fact that he hated the Gryffindors he watched them, and tried to learn what was going on.

He noticed Weasley kept shooting glances towards a completely ignorant Dumbledead. That man could ignore anything. Suddenly realising what Weasley was doing the idiot's sister promptly hit him upside the head. Looking sheepish the redhead returned to his food.

Harry was calmly drinking from his goblet.

"Now that's interesting," Draco drawled to himself. "That's very interesting indeed."

For once Draco didn't mind having a detention that night with the Golden Boy.

* * *

Harry, on the other hand, was not quite as oblivious to his being watched as Dumbles was, and he in turn was (somewhat more covertly) observing his observer.

Draco, he was amused to notice, seemed to be quite curious. This, Harry was sure, was a good sign.

He was rather looking forward to his detention that night and recruiting the blond boy. Undoubtedly Draco had been thinking up ways to kill, torture, humiliate and get rid of Dumbledead for much longer than Harry had, and would therefore hopefully have several ideas on where to start when they began their plotting the next day.

However, before Harry could get too excited about beginning, he came to one last realisation. He still had to get through the rest of lunch, not to mention the afternoon and dinner.

He turned away from his surveillance of Draco and groaned theatrically, immediately gaining the attention of Ginny and Seamus. Ron, after a few moments, also looked up from his food to eye his friend curiously.

"Harry?" Ginny asked. "What's the matter?"

"We've still got _hours _before I can go recruit the Slyths, and I can't think of anything to do in the meantime!"

Seamus, Ginny and Ron exchanged glances. If Harry got too bored…well, only chaos could ensue.

"We could get some studying done," Ron suggested out of desperation.

Harry wasn't the only one staring at him in shock and horror.

"Ronald, have you completely rotted away your last two brain cells?" Ginny demanded incredulously. "Why the hell would we want to do that?"

Ron blinked a few times. "Oh. Good point. And hey! No insults at the lunch table!"

"So I can insult you all I want at breakfast and dinner then?" his sister asked sweetly.

"Um…" Ron gulped. "Yes?"

"Very good, Ronald. Perhaps there's still some hope for you yet."

Ron glared but didn't reply.

The four of them went deep into thought, trying to find something that would occupy their afternoon.

Harry could think of several things. For one, he really wanted to annoy Dumbledore in any way he could.

In a way, the ideas that were occurring to Ginny, Seamus and Ron were good for Harry's emerging plan – they couldn't think of anything.

"Any ideas?" he asked them after a few moments. They all shook their heads somewhat nervously, knowing without having to be told that Harry had come up with something. He grinned at them brightly. "Good. Follow me, kiddies."

The three of them did so. A second later, Katie was on their heels.

Ginny turned to the older girl in surprise. "No plans for the afternoon?"

"I _was_ going to study for a bit with Joey in the library and throw things at Cho Chang, but I figure all that can wait. I'd rather see what Harry's cooking up this time before I choose who I annoy for the day."

"You know what, Katie?" Ginny said with a somewhat evil grin. "I don't think I fully appreciated Gryffindor's penchant for evil until today."

Katie snickered. "Neither did I. Although, I'll admit that I knew _Harry _was this evil. How else could he have hidden Oliver's broom and gloves back in third year?"

Ginny's eyes widened in shock. "No way," she breathed. "He _didn't_!"

"I did, actually," Harry called back over his shoulder, eyes dancing. "Ollie nearly killed me, of course, once he found out who did it. But he knew he'd have to look for a new Seeker if he did."

"And though he's scarily obsessive about Quidditch, Oliver isn't stupid, so he certainly wasn't going to kill off the most talented Seeker in the school," Katie pointed out.

"Snape is a god," Harry replied.

As the portrait to the Gryffindor Common Room swung open, Ginny and the other two boys just stared at him.

"It was 'yellow brick road', yesterday," Seamus said numbly.

Katie just sighed. "Yes, well that's what we get for letting the firsties have a go at picking passwords."

"Was yellow brick road from Kirra Jackson?" Ginny inquired. "That girl is nearly as attached to the Wizard of Oz movie as Oliver is to his broomstick magazine."

Katie nodded.

"But which of the first years are so misguided to think Snape is a god and isn't in Slytherin?" Ron asked, utterly baffled.

Harry smirked faintly. "That'd be from Jordyn Astra, right? She's not misguided, Ron, she's just…different."

There was silence for a few moments while the five Gryffindors sat down near the fire.

"She's the one who keeps putting up those scary posters, sending stalker letters and causing Snape's eye to twitch, right?" Ron asked warily.

"The kid who follows random people, stares at them for hours to freak them out, pranks like the twins, and spends a scary amount of time hanging around with you?" Seamus continued in the same tone.

Grinning brightly, Harry nodded. "I'm so proud. She learns well."

Katie, Ginny, Seamus and Ron all groaned at the thought. Harry with an apprentice? The earth was doomed.

"Um, Harry?" Katie began after a minute of thinking about the horror. "If you have an apprentice, shouldn't she, well, be here? Apprenticing?"

Harry shrugged. "Oh, probably. But at the moment, she's far too busy."

"With what?" Seamus asked suspiciously.

"Jordyn is currently stalking Filch, very carefully might I add. All he knows is that someone seems to be on his tail. If he can't see her and prove it, she can't get detention."

"Good point," Ginny murmured. "Hey! Harry, why are we here? I daresay you had a reason?"

"Oh yeah…"

"_Harry_," Katie sighed.

"All right. Here's the thing. We need something to do for the afternoon, we all hate Dumbles and want him to suffer…so I want to screw with his head a little."

* * *

An hour later, the five of them were hurrying to Dumbledore's office, Harry supported between Seamus and Ron, Katie and Ginny looking panicked.

Halfway there, they nearly ran straight into Hermione, Neville, Dean, Hannah and Justin.

Skidding to a halt, the five Gryffindors just barely managed to keep their footing.

"What on earth is going on?" Hermione demanded.

"Um…Harry had a vision and needs to tell Dumbles all about it?" Ron tried.

Hermione eyed them all before turning to Dean, Neville and the two Hufflepuffs. "You guys go on, I'll meet you in the library after I've worked out what this lot are up to."

Rolling his eyes, Neville agreed. "Just don't let them actually kill him. It might be a bit conspicuous at the moment." He led the other three away.

"Well?" Hermione asked with a raised eyebrow. "Spill it."

Harry just shook his head. "Come with us if you must, but for gods sake don't bother if you can't act. We don't have time to tell you what's going on, so just play along, okay?"

Sighing, she nodded and joined the group in their 'mad dash' to Dumbledead's office.

* * *

Albus Dumbledore was sitting in his office as usual, sucking on a sherbet lemon when the six Gryffindors burst into his office, Ron and Seamus immediately helping Harry to the nearest chair, Katie, Ginny and Hermione hovering nervously,

He didn't have a chance to speak.

"Headmaster," began a scared sounding Ginny. "Harry's had another vision of Voldemort."

Dumbledore frowned. "Harry? Would you tell me what happened in this vision?"

The boy huddled in the chair shuddered before beginning to speak. "It was the worst vision I've ever had, sir."

"He was screaming something awful," murmured the tense Katie.

"He…gods, I don't even know if I can say it."

"Just take your time, Harry," Dumbledore said soothingly. "No need to rush it."

Harry just nodded. "Okay. Well, he was in his lair, with Wormtail, Bellatrix and a few others. They were…sitting. On bright pink beanbags."

The headmaster blinked. "Go on."

"That is, except for Voldemort. He was standing on a green milk crate. And Wormtail and Bellatrix were standing on the ground behind him."

Harry was pleased to note that the other five Gryffindors were managing to keep perfectly straight faces. Dumbles just looked completely lost.

"And, well, he was wearing…" he buried his head in his hands. "A Slytherin girls' uniform, sir," he said, voice muffled. "And…Wormtail was wearing a cheerleader's costume in Hufflepuff colours…Bellatrix was in a leather miniskirt and tank top, with," here Harry shuddered again. "A whip."

"Harry…" Dumbledore tried, convinced that the boy had mistaken a dream – well, nightmare, for a vision.

"And he was singing!" Harry interrupted in a plaintive wail. "Singing 'Oops I Did it Again'. With the other two performing backup."

"Harry…"

"The other Death Eaters were going wild, sir. They thought he was brilliant." Harry looked up, a considering expression on his face. "And now I think about it, he wasn't too bad. I mean sure, it was damn scary, but Voldemort sounded just like Britney Spears…"

"Are you sure he wasn't lip-synching?" Hermione asked worriedly.

Harry nodded. "Yeah. There wasn't any music at all."

"Weird," Seamus and Ron murmured.

"Well!" Harry said with a bright grin, leaping to his feet. "I'm glad I got that off my chest. Thanks for listening, sir. You might want to tell Snape to watch out at the next meeting, I think they were talking about a karaoke night, with participation mandatory. He might want to try Barbie Girl. I hear that's one of Voldie's favourites."

With that, Harry sauntered out of the office, his fellow Gryffindors on his heels.

Dumbledore could do nothing but stare after them, utterly baffled.

* * *

The group walked up to the Gryffindor common room in silence, save when Harry murmured the password to the Fat Lady, who seemed to choke every time she heard it.

Once they were all in the common room, seated comfortably, Harry started to sniggle. With that the rest of the group started and before long everyone was laughing so hard their sides hurt. Except for Ron.

"Er… gotta go," he mumbled and ran off in the direction of the dorm. Harry nodded to Seamus, who went to make sure that he was all right.

When Seamus came back he wasn't laughing but looked deathly pale.

"H…heheehe didididi didn't make it," the boy stammered. Harry stopped laughing.

"Didn't make it where Seamus?" he asked the boy patiently. Seamus went pink and muttered something. The rest of the group had also stopped laughing, to listen to the boy.

"What was that?"

"Um well he didn't make it," Seamus cleared his throat with a little cough "to the bathroom."

At this everyone but Seamus started to laugh again. Eventually giving in Seamus started laughing too. Then Ron was coming down the stairs.

"Yeah, it's pretty funny isn't it?" the red head asked, not realizing what they were laughing at. With this the laughter only started all over again. It didn't help that Ron looked completely confused.

It was about three when the Gryffindors walked into the library to find out what had happened to Neville, Hannah, Dean and Justin and to let them know what had happened while they were in with Dumbles. As they arrived they saw that Lavender and Parvati had joined the small group that were sitting in the library, talking.

"I thought you lot were going to study?" Hermione asked, as if the group were acting scandalously.

Neville look pained. "Please 'Mione, how could you think that? Not after what we saw. Now tell us what happened with Dumbles."

So the group sat down and told the others what had happened.

"Barbie Girl?" Neville asked through his laughter.

"Well I remembered Dudley singing it years ago. That's how I shuddered so realistically." Harry said seriously. The group around him looked sympathetic.

"Well look at it this way" Dean said, just as seriously. "At least it wasn't something from the Spice Girls." The rest of the group shuddered in agreement.

"I have an idea." Hermione stated suddenly. At this Harry got up out of his chair and moved to hide behind Lavender and Parvati.

"Oh, don't be silly, Harry," she said, nonplussed. "No what I thought was that as we have a little free time we could read up on spells and potions…" there was a groan at this which Hermione spoke over. "That we can use to prank Dumbles and anyone who sticks with him."

Harry stood up and made a show of wiping his eyes.

"Oh Hermione, I'm so proud. Now," Harry became sensible again. The boy changed emotions faster than Neville got nervous in Potions. "Where do we start?"

And with that the group started to research all sorts of spells, charms and potions that could aid them in what Harry was starting to think of as a war.

It wasn't actually until Lavender let out a squeal that everyone at first thought had come from Ron that they noticed that it was nearly six and the group ran off to the Great Hall for dinner, Harry eagerly awaiting his detention, as odd as that sounded.

Hannah and Justin headed for the Hufflepuff Table, while the Gryffindors seated themselves at their own.

Katie and Ginny were the first to notice that Harry was practically bouncing in his seat with excitement. The older of the two girls rolled her eyes and poked him in the head. "Settle, petal," she warned.

Harry blinked in confusion. "Settle?"

"Petal?" Ginny said in the same tone. "Never mind. Harry, you're bouncing around like a stoned first year anticipating his first date."

"Hey! Considering who I'm going to be spending the night with, I don't think I appreciate that remark, Miss Weasley."

"No?" asked Seamus with a raised eyebrow. "I thought that _was_ why you're looking forward to detention so much!"

Ron evidently couldn't take the thought of his best friend dating his worst enemy, and had plugged his fingers into his ears. "I can't hear you, lalalalala, going to my happy place…

Dean slapped Ron around the back of the head. "Moron."

Harry snorted, and then remembered why Ron had begun his journey to his happy place. "Seamus you twit. You know perfectly well that my looking forward to detention has nothing to do with Draco Malfoy's sexy body."

Hermione, Ron and Ginny choked on their pumpkin juice.

Katie, Harry and Seamus exchanged a few glances before turning and each raising an eyebrow at the three.

Ron didn't notice, as he was continuing his journey to his happy place.

Ginny sighed. "It's not that we don't think he's attractive – "

"It's more that it was you saying it, Har," Hermione finished. Ginny nodded.

Harry just rolled his eyes.

Dinner, Harry decided, was crawling past simply to make his life miserable. He was _dying_ to bring up Mission: Destroy Dumbles with Draco, and –

"Harry!" Neville exclaimed suddenly. "You've only got ten minutes to get to detention!"

"_Finally_!" With that, he jumped up from the table, waved back at them briefly, and was gone.

Watching Snape standing up from the Staff Table, Katie frowned. "Think he'll get there before Snape?"

"Who, Harry?" Ginny asked in surprise, following her gaze. "Of course. He knows just about every secret passage in the school. That ought to help him."

* * *

Just as Ginny predicted, Harry arrived outside the Potions classroom before Snape – and also before Draco, who had left at roughly the same time he had.

Both Snape and Draco, who arrived together barely two minutes later, were surprised to see that Harry was already there, but neither spoke.

Snape unlocked his classroom door and led them inside, directing them to the two desks right in front of his own.

Harry winced. If Snape was going to be right there during the entire detention, it would be much harder to discuss inter-school revolution. Even if Harry's private speculations were correct and Snape would be just as interested as Draco undoubtedly would be, bringing it up with them both probably wouldn't be an ideal plan.

"For your detention, you will sit here, brew Pepper-Up potions for Madam Pomfrey, and _not_ kill each other." He gave them both a pointed look, and then sighed. "Unfortunately I also have to supervise a detention in the next room, as I do not want Miss Turpin and Miss Abbot to blow themselves up."

"So you'll be moving back and forth between the two rooms then, sir?" Harry inquired, tone innocent.

A somewhat worried expression beginning to cross his face at Harry's tone, Snape nodded. "Also, Mr Potter, just before I leave and get the girls started, would you happen to know what the Headmaster may have been referring to when he asked me if the Dark Lord were prone to holding karaoke competitions? And why he suggested I learn the lyrics to…Barbie Girl?"

Harry's eyes were wide, and not with false innocence. In fact, he found he was even unable to smirk, as he was trying his hardest not to collapse on the floor laughing.

"Potter?" the professor prompted.

"Um," Harry began, voice shaky. "No sir, I'm afraid I don't know why the Headmaster would say such a thing. Perhaps he's going senile in his old age?"

"Perhaps," the man said with a frown. "Never mind. When I return, I expect you both to be working, alive and relatively unharmed."

"Yes sir," they replied, watching him leave the room.

The moment the door closed, Harry lost what little composure he had left.

After several minutes, Draco leaned down and raised an inquiring eyebrow at the hysterically laughing Gryffindor. "Are you all right down there, Potter?"

"Fine," Harry choked out. "Just…fine…"

"Oh good. I'll get started on these potions then, shall I? You can join me when you can breathe again."

"'Kay…"

By the time Harry had regained his self-control and the ability to breathe, Draco had both their cauldrons over the heat, warming the required amount of water. He was currently grinding peppercorns as he waited for Harry to recover.

"All right, I'm alive again. What can I do?"

Draco snickered. "You can slice those lizard tails, actually. Eighteen of them, nine for each potion."

"Okay, I can do that," Harry agreed, finding his knife and counting out eighteen tails.

They worked in silence for several minutes.

"I give in. What was so funny, earlier?"

Harry smirked. "Just a little prank I played on Dumbles. Nothing fancy, I only messed with his head a little."

"Sounds interesting…"

"Oh, it was. I'll tell you about it some other time."

"Why not now?" Draco asked, adding the pepper to the two cauldrons.

"Because now, we have something more important to discuss."

Draco blinked. "We do?"

"Uh huh. Draco, you don't like Dumbledore, do you?"

"Where are you going with this, Potter?" the blond asked suspiciously. "You _know_ I detest the Headmaster."

Harry nodded happily. "Yes, I do. Which is why we're here having this conversation. Would you say that the feeling in Slytherin is distinctly anti-Dumbledore?"

"Yes, I would. Potter – "

"And would the students of Slytherin House be at all interested in joining a rebellion against the twinkling tyrant?"

"I daresay they would, but what – "

"Good. In that case, I want you and a couple of other Slytherins, people you would trust with your innermost secrets, to our meeting tomorrow morning."

"Meeting for what?" asked the completely lost Draco.

"Overthrowing Dumbles, of course!"

* * *

Severus had spent longer than he'd planned in the adjoining classroom getting Lisa and Hannah set up. As both girls excelled in the theory of potions, it was beyond Severus exactly how they both managed to be so utterly dismal at the practical side of the subject.

Due to this, they both had rather frequent 'detentions' in which he tried his hardest to get them to a passing level – which had been the only reason they had passed their OWL for potions with an O.

Of course, he always took many precautions, and setting these up always took time.

Naturally, leaving Harry and Draco alone together for so long was causing him some distress, and so once he had assured himself that the girls weren't going to blow the entire castle or even themselves sky high, he hurried back into the main classroom.

This meant he arrived just in time to hear Harry ask Draco whether he thought the students of Slytherin would be interested in joining a rebellion against 'the twinkling tyrant', who he immediately and correctly assumed was Dumbledore.

* * *

Draco stared at Harry in utter astonishment. Overthrow Dumbledore? This was the last thing he had expected the Gryffindors to be up to.

He would have voiced these thoughts, but it was just as he was regaining use of his voice and as Harry was adding the lizard tails to the potion that their professor decided to make his presence known.

"Overthrowing the Headmaster, Mr Potter? That has to be the _last _thing I was expecting to hear when I returned."

* * *

Harry wasn't sure whether he should 'eeep' and run, or go with his instincts and let Severus in on the plan a little earlier than he had, well, planned.

Option B, he decided as he saw the amusement in the man's eyes. Besides, it didn't seem likely that Draco would regain the power of speech anytime soon, so he had to do _something_ while these potions were brewing.

"No," Harry said musingly. "I suppose you wouldn't be expecting that. But life's full of surprises."

Severus blinked at him.

"But really, that's irrelevant. The point is that Dumbles is meant to be a light wizard but he keeps manipulating and lying to all of us. Everything he does just makes more problems."

The two Slytherins looked at him for a long moment. Even if it were a Gryffindor saying this it would be beyond weird. But this was _the_ Golden Boy. The light side's great hope.

"Potter, you're the Golden …" Draco started to say, but Harry cut him off.

"Please," he said with a pained expression. "Don't call me that. I'm Harry. Not the Golden Boy, not James Potter's son," when saying this he looked at his potions professor. "Just Harry. It's Dumbles that want's to make me into something more."

"I'm just going to assume you were serious when you said you wanted to take him out, then?" Draco said wryly.

"Good plan," Harry agreed. "Because I most certainly was. The Gryffindors are all on board – well, the ones I've spoken to – and we've got people in both Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff sounding people out."

"And you've been waiting all day for detention so you could ask me the same?"

"Well, yes, actually."

Draco rolled his eyes. "You _could_ have just asked, you know."

"I could have," Harry allowed. "But this was the only way I could think of to talk to you that wouldn't leave Dumbles suspicious."

"And yet you risked me overhearing, and I did so," Severus pointed out. "Why were you so careless?"

Harry shrugged. "I don't know. I kind of figured I'd ask you whether you'd be interested in joining us anyway, so…I guess it doesn't matter now anyway. So!" he said brightly. "Are you two interested in getting this school, and our lives, away from Dumbledead?"

Both Severus and Draco smirked.

"When do we begin?" the blond asked.

"Excellent," Harry hissed, steepling his fingers. "Well there's going to be a meeting tomorrow, in the Room of Requirement. People from all four Houses are coming. We thought we'd get everyone together and plan on just how to remove Dumbles from our lives. Maybe even solar system."

"Do you have any teachers yet?" asked Severus with a kind of earnest look on his face that frankly, Harry found disturbing.

"Ah, no," Harry replied. "You were the only teacher I thought would help us. You think there might be another one who'd like to help?"

Severus looked at Harry with disbelief on his face. "You mean you haven't realised that most of the staff at Hogwarts only get through the day by dreaming of gauging out those bloody twinkling eyes?" The man shook his head. "I think I may bring a few of the staff with me Potter, one I know that would be only too delighted to help."

Harry grinned at him. "Great. But I'd really rather you called me Harry, you know? You too Draco." They both nodded to him.

"Merlin," Severus said with a pained expression. "Gryffindors and Slytherins on a first name basis. The earth is doomed."

Harry and Draco snickered at him. Severus responded with a scowl.

"You'd best hurry and put the chilli powder in," Severus told them, back to teacher mode.

As they were doing this there was a loud bang coming from the other classroom. Severus groaned and left to save his precious cauldrons.

"So," Draco said, stirring the potions anti-clockwise. "How are we going to get rid of that barmy old coot? I mean he's Headmaster of Hogwarts. The Supreme Mugwump, Grand Sorcerer and Chief Warlock. We can't just say go away!" he pointed out.

"I know," Harry said sadly. "But I'm sure we'll come up with something!" he declared cheerfully. "Now let me tell you about this afternoon with Dumblewart."

When Severus came back into the classroom he found Harry stirring the potions with a grin on his face and Draco on the floor, holding his sides.

"I though I told you two not to hurt each other?" the professor asked them, nostrils flaring.

Draco sat up and wiped his eyes. "Please, it's alright Severus. Harry was just explaining the prank he played on Dumbles this afternoon."

Severus glared at Harry again. "So it _is_ you I should be 'thanking' for making the Headmaster give me the lyrics to Barbie Girl?"

Harry grinned mischievously. "Yep. Never seen the barmy bastard as confused as he was this afternoon."

Severus tried to growl at him but the image of a shell-shocked Albus Dumbledore coming to his office, earlier that evening, muttering something about karaoke was enough to get him laughing with the other two.

By the time they were due to add the unicorn tail hairs to the potion, they had managed to regain their composure. Luckily, this meant that the potion wouldn't be exploding all over them any time in the near future.

"All right, so _when_ are we going to hold this meeting in the Room of Requirement?" Severus inquired.

Harry blinked at him. "Tomorrow?" he said slowly.

Draco slapped him around the back of the head. "Moron. What _time_?"

Glaring and rubbing his head, Harry shrugged. "I don't bloody know. What time would you suggest?"

"And _you're _the one who foils my each and every plan?" Draco asked sceptically. "I am deeply, _deeply_ shamed."

"Shut up, Blondie. Don't make me use you as cannon fodder."

"_Boys_," Severus warned. "I would suggest, Harry, that you hold this meeting at around ten o'clock tomorrow morning. Not only does this give you both time to rouse any difficult House representatives, and for people to get breakfast should they wish it, but the Headmaster has an inescapable meeting with Minister Fudge at ten, which will undoubtedly run past lunchtime."

"What makes you think it'll take so long?" Draco asked, somewhat surprised. "I would have thought the Minister would want to be in and out of here as quickly as possible."

Severus nodded. "Yes, but I'm measuring against the previous visits Fudge has made. That's how long they _normally_ take."

While Draco looked shocked, Harry was nodding wisely. "Yes, because while Fudge is a moron, he's not a complete idiot." He gained two confused stares. "Look, I just mean that he knows how good the food is here, so he makes sure that his meets run long enough for him to get morning tea _and _lunch."

"Well that certainly sounds like our esteemed Minister," Severus said with a grimace. "Now if your potions are nearly done you two may leave so I can make sure that Miss Abbott and Miss Turpin don't destroy anymore of my cauldrons."

Harry and Draco shared a smirk and bottled their potions. After this Severus kicked them out of the classroom and rushed off to save his precious cauldrons and Harry and Draco were left standing outside the classroom.

"Well Harry," Draco said with an appraising look. "I guess not all Gryffindors are complete fools."

"Gee, thanks Draco," the brunette said with an eye roll. "May I remind you that it was Gryffindors that decided to overthrow Dumbles, not Slytherins?" Draco laughed at him.

"No Harry, it wasn't Gryffindors, it was you." Draco cocked his head to his side and looked at him, chewing his lip. "I know you're a Gryffindor but sometimes you're downright Slytherin."

Harry grinned at him. "I'm the best of both. See you tomorrow then?" he asked.

"Trust me Harry, I'll be there. I've been waiting to do this for quite some time."

Harry and Draco went their separate ways. Harry climbed up to the Gryffindor tower and thought about how well things had turned out. They had students from every house and teachers joining their battle against the barmy old codger.

Harry gave the password to the Fat Lady (who rolled her eyes and snorted) and climbed into the common room. As soon as he walked through the door Gryffindors descended on him, demanding to know what happened during the detention.

He ignored their questioning and made his way to the fire, where he kicked Jordyn out of the chair closest to it and sat down, rolling his eyes as the girl chose to grab a cushion and seat herself at his feet.

Moments later, the Gryffindors who currently knew about the plan, along with Jordyn's dorm mate Kirra, Natalie McDonald and Katie's friend Joey, had assembled themselves around Harry's chair, waiting anxiously.

He surveyed the lot of them quietly. "As you all know," he began, pausing to receive a nod from Katie assuring him that the girls and Joey _did_ know. "We are meeting tomorrow morning with our fellow conspirators from outside the House in order to discuss dislodging Dumbles from Hogwarts – possibly the universe, if possible."

Ginny calmly held out her hand to Seamus, who pulled off one of his shoes and placed it in the girl's hand. Still calm, she threw it at Harry, whacking him in the head with it. "Quit stalling, Har, we want to know about the goddamn detention!"

"Ow," he mumbled, rubbing his head.

Jordyn threw Seamus his shoe back and patted Harry on the knee in mock sympathy. "There, there, dearest. It can't have done much damage, there wasn't much there in the first place."

Harry glared at her. "Brat. You have learned _too_ well. Anyway, as I was _going_ to say, _Ginevra_," he said pointedly. "In my detention tonight I approached Draco Malfoy concerning the subject. He was, as expected, quite eager to join. However…"

As Harry trailed off, he was given several rather violent death glares, as well as a few not so violent, and a sharp poke in the leg.

"If you don't stop going for the dramatic storytelling as opposed to just stating the facts, I refuse to be responsible for my actions," Neville warned him.

"All right, all right. When I told Draco, Snape overheard us."

"Shit," Hermione muttered. "So where did you hide the body? Obviously you had to kill him to be able to return here…"

"'Mione," Harry whined. "Hush. No, Severus was just as interested as Draco, and he had some interesting news: apparently, the majority of the teachers are likely to want to be involved as well."

Harry then looked at Ron who had gone a funny purple colour and was breathing funny. The others all looked at each other trying to work out what was wrong with the boy.

"'Mione" he gasped. "You swore!"

The group save Hermione blinked at him. Hermione though took a much more direct action. She leaned over to the red head and hit him soundly around the head.

"Do grow up Ron." She instructed tiredly. Turning back to Harry she asked the question that most of them were most likely wondering.

"Harry, you are sure that this isn't just another way for Snape to get you expelled? And do you really think they'll be that many teachers?"

Harry frowned at his friend. "Severus wasn't lying, he wants Dumbles gone. I mean it the man hasn't exactly made his life a picnic. Most of the other teachers are the same." The group nodded at this.

"Now," Harry announced, standing up and accidentally knocking Jordyn over. "I'm going to bed." He leaned over to help the first year up. "At ten o'clock tomorrow I'll be in the Room of Requirement and meeting anyone who wants to help. I suggest that you all do the same."

With that Harry gave a wave and walked up to the dorm and to bed. Behind him he heard the others following. He was just pulling his hangings closed when Ron came up to him.

"Harry, did you hear?" Ron whispered. "Hermione swore!"

Inwardly Harry groaned but he patted his friend on the shoulder and said "There, there Ron. It's all right. Just go to sleep and in the morning it will be like it never happened." The red head nodded at this at walked stiffly over to his bed.

Harry sighed, snapped his hangings shut and went to sleep.


End file.
